First off, don’t answer that. I know what it is. It’s a bunch of morons who have suddenly decided that they can’t drive because of something that is happening on the road. That’s isn’t what I’m after here.
What I really want to know is why can’t they just say that? I mean come on now. You say onlooker delay and it sounds pretty. Like maybe there are some ducks walking by the road and everyone has slowed down a little bit to watch them waddle their cute, feather-covered butts by as they drive by. But we all know that isn’t the case.
It’s a bunch of idiots who either are hoping to catch a glimpse of some blood or just can’t stand to think that they might be missing something, so they have to grind things to a halt on the off chance that they might miss something. And three seconds after they get past, they won’t even remember. That’s just stupid.
Take the other day as I’m riding down the road. Not just any road, mind you. The freaking interstate. Technically known as a part of the National Interstate and Defense Highways Act, authorized by Dwight D. Eisenhower in 1956, Ike would be rolling in his grave if he had any idea what these things had become in the forty-odd years since he died.
Set the stage. Generally it takes me about twenty minutes to pick the kids up from school (one way). And most days, I am a creature of habit. I find a good groove and I stick with it, as long as it doesn’t disappoint. But occasionally, I’ll get an idea that an alternative route might do better, and I’ll give it a try. So it was this day, when the skies were clear and I thought I might see some clear sailing by taking a path along the larger, more well-traveled roads. It was not to be.
First problem: A motorist whose car was apparently in working order, though less than ideal. Yet she (ahem) decided that she would sputter to a halt in a lane of traffic. In retrospect, I should have realized that this was a signal and gone a different way. Fool me once, shame on me and all that. I’ll take the blame. But still. If your car is dying, get off the road. At least that way the people behind you can move. They won’t, because they want to see if you were decapitated as you ran out of gas. But they could if they chose to do so.
Next problem: None, for a little while. It was relatively smooth sailing for a good five minutes, and I was making good time. Then, as I approached a junction of two (relatively) major thoroughfares, traffic started to back up. At first, I thought it was just the merging traffic. This happens when three lanes squeeze into one, and then clears up when they get the chance to open back up into three again. But after sitting for a couple minutes, I realized it was more serious.
By then, I was running out of time. Plus I had invested the time of sitting, and I didn’t want to give up my spot – even though other wonderful drivers didn’t see the need to wait, and simply jumped to the front of the line, forcing everyone else, who apparently learned their lesson in kindergarten, to wait even longer. Do people simply not realize how the world works? Life is so much easier if we actually pretend to be concerned for the person next to us.
In any case, several minutes later, we’re finally almost merged with the other traffic, and… it’s at a standstill, too. Eventually the traffic report comes on, and tells us that there are absolutely no lanes blocked. This is all due to (wait for it) “onlooker delay”. Onlooker delay? What in the world does that mean? You’re telling me that hundreds of people (or cars, at least) are looking to see what is happening, when they could be rushing to their destination?
People that are so anxious to get to where they are going that they cut other people off, that are all too ready to let go with gestures, glares, verbal assaults and even weapons at times, will then decide to stop and look at someone sitting on the shoulder? That is completely asinine! What is up with the world? I just had to see this for myself. I certainly wasn’t going anywhere.
Sure enough, about a mile – and five minutes later (still on the interstate) – I saw the holdup. Not one, but two, police cars and a motorcycle. Sitting not just on the shoulder, but way over on the shoulder. There wasn’t even a wreck that I could see. No one was even tapping their breaks. And then, ten feet past, everything just opened up, like Moses parting the Red Sea.
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Comments
2 responses to “What the Hell is the Deal With Onlooker Delay?”
Actually, Marty, I should have mentioned earlier (obviously I was irritated) – there were no lights to be seen. The vehicles in question were just sitting on the shoulder.
I mean if people were milling about and doing something, I could at least understand to some degree. But there was actually no sign of anyone. They may have loaded up in another car and gone for doughnuts. It was absolutely incredible.
Yeah right, like YOU don’t slow down and look whenever something out of the ordinary on the highway — even when the blue lights are flashing?
Get real Chad. You do. Everyone does. Heck, that’s what you’re SUPPOSED to do when the cop turns on his lights. They mean one thing: slow down and pay attention.
Sorry you had a bad day friend.