Don't Back Down

I just received an email from Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools (affectionately known as CMS) that offers "7 tips to help your student prepare for end-of-grade tests". Cool, I think. This could come in handy. Then I read the email.

First, the disclaimer: "Families are encouraged to begin preparing students for taking the tests using a variety of test preparation strategies". That helps somewhere dangerously close to not-at-all. So I read on, hoping that perhaps at least some of the other tips would provide useful info.

Here they are. You be the judge.

      Make sure your child gets the appropriate amount of sleep the night before the test.  Some
      children require more rest than others do, so it's best to try to maintain a regular schedule
      for your child. 

Not a bad idea, but we generally try to do that anyway. Next.

      The morning of the test-taking day should be calm for your child.  Make sure that you and
      your child are not rushed and that your child has time to prepare for the day.

Hmm. So no beatings that morning. We can do that, as it's not usually an issue. But what about those families that do? Wouldn't it seem to violate the "maintain a regular schedule piece" above? Next.

      Take time to talk with your child about your confidence in him or her. Encourage your child
      to take the test seriously, but don't cause your child to be anxious about the test. Let your
      child know that you believe in him or her and emphasize the importance of simply doing their
      best.

Yes, ma'am, my son was prepared for his EOG. I talked with him and told him that we had every confidence in him. And I know he took the test seriously because he cries himself to sleep because he doesn't want to repeat the fourth grade. He thinks his friends will laugh at him. What? They actually had to know how to do all that math stuff? Next.

      Remind your child to answer all questions and not to leave any question blank. 

Uh, okay. Next.

      Make sure your child arrives at school on time the day of the test.

Next.

      Make a backup plan to get your child to school in case they miss their bus.

Our children don't take the bus. Seems your drivers couldn't reliably pick them up, and having our kids stand on a street corner at 6:30am isn't something we want to do when your bus doesn't come until 7:00 (or later, if at all). Maybe we could use the bus as a backup in case we die or something and can't drive them like usual. Next.

      Give your child a hug!

Yes, Bubba, we gave our kids hugs and everything - but they're still in the fourth grade. I don't understand. How could this have possibly happened?

Morons.